I know you’re dying for answers on how to uncover your “dream life” or what you feel you’re really here to do. But trust me and this process. It’s more simple than your brain is trying to make it, but the fear is clouding your ability to see it!

So, first, we must learn to work with fear and learn the basics of how to move through those fearful and anxious times. To practice EVERY DAY until the fear starts to lift and you can begin to see what is ACTUALLY possible for you and your life. So, let’s get started:

1.) Awareness —  Go on “watch” or high alert for what fear looks like for you. Everyone’s stories and history are different, so fear looks a little different on everyone as well. A couple of indications that you’re “in fear”…

  • Symptoms: Any of the “symptoms” I listed in previous blogs about knowing when you’re living in fear.

  • Emotions: Regularly experienced “negative” or bad feeling emotions are good indications of fear. Anger, frustration, overwhelm, anxiety, depression, fury, panic, fright. Get to know your emotions well and what causes them to happen!

  • Triggers:  What is it that really “sets you off”? For me, a big one is when people speak to me in negative tones or I feel someone is judging me. It causes me to shut down and essentially stop engaging.

  • Hiding places: Is there anything that you escape from? What do you run from and where do you hide? Ie. for me, if I don’t feel I can fully express myself, I’ll hide in alcohol, more eating than normal, no eating at all, watching more TV/Netflix than is healthy. Becoming familiar with your

  • Thought patterns/spirals: If you’re an over thinker like me, you may catch yourself in a downward thought spiral. Getting overwhelmed or feeling paralyzed is a big domino for a downward spiral of fearful thoughts! Until the point where I’m so mean to myself and speak bad things over myself. This is powerful and TOXIC.

This is not meant to make you question everything in your life and make you feel “wrong”’ by ANY MEANS!  This is to just help you raise your awareness around how your brain is working and to make friends with it when it’s in a fearful state. It’s not to say that any of these things are BAD or WRONG – it’s just important to examine the motive behind why we do what we do. Is it serving to us or is it self deprecating? If it’s not serving it’s time to shift and find a new way.

2.) Acceptance — In order to really move THROUGH something and to move to the next level, we have to accept and take full responsibility for where we are at right now.  I know, easier said than done, huh? This takes quite a bit of courage and honesty to work through because this part requires a raw realness that not a lot are able to own up to. Let alone take the time to work through. Each area of our life that we are experiencing fear is directly tied back to an incident in our past that we haven’t been set free from. The fear recreates the incident over and over again for you. Until you DECIDE to accept it and move THROUGH it.

  • Go back to the incident – Not really, since we don’t have time machines. But go back in your mind. Even the most seemingly in significant events can leave us wounded. Going back and recounting what happened is helpful and often times more painful than our fear wants us to know.

  • What were the interpretations that I made the incident mean about me? We all make pain personal. That’s what fear does! Really try and see what that event or situation left you feeling about yourself. [Provide an example?]

  • Reframe the interpretation – When we can make the pain less personal and see that it was all an interpretation, it gives us the power to create a whole new interpretation that might actually serve us in the long run. Believing certain things about ourselves from traumatic incidents will always keep us trapped! Choosing a new interpretation will set you free and let go of the weight that you’ve been putting on yourself for all these years that aren’t even true.

  • Find the silver lining – I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and that when we can find why the pain actually helps us, we can help others through the same pain! What was it about the incident that you can be grateful for? What else in your life wouldn’t have happened had that wound never been created? Even in the darkest places, there are blessings and light.

  • What you focus on expands – Our brains are naturally drawn to the negative and the dark. It is a CHOICE to SEE and focus on the light. To reframe the story in your mind and to choose to see the light is very empowering! No longer are we victims to our stories and we can actually accept the reality for what it is. That interpretation and lie has been running your life.

Accepting where we are at and having gratitude for EXACTLY who we are RIGHT now is very powerful! We no longer have to hold up the facade that we are anyone other than who we are. Our stories can now set us free and we don’t have to hide in them or be victim to them any longer. If there is a “most important step”, this is it. Repeating the cycle for all the pain we are experiencing continues to set you free, over and over again.

3.) Breathe — Here is my dedicated blog post that gives a complete break down of this step on breathing.

4.) Choose — As stated above, it is our CHOICE to engage with fear once we notice its coming up. It happens in a matter of seconds, but it’s created off of the story that we are telling ourselves and choosing to believe. Believing in the stories that we are telling ourselves is either really empowering or detrimental to our growth.

YOU and only you can choose the story that you’re telling yourself and it’s your responsibility to tell yourself the story that you want to live by. When we are choosing to believe stories that are dis-empowering, we typically have feelings that follow that shortly after. Once you have a better understanding of what those fears are rooted in through the awareness step and you work through it – it becomes easier to identify when it’s resurfacing.

  • Use your emotions as an alarm system! When you’re experiencing emotions that do not feel good, just let that be your alarm to hit the PAUSE button.

  • Hit the pause button… Take a moment to observe what it is that you’re telling yourself that is leading to the feelings you’re experiencing. Ask, what am I choosing to believe about myself? Remember fear is just interpretations off of past experiences and projecting them into the future for you, out of default.

  • Is that serving you?

  • What are some other interpretations? Think outside of the box and think of 5 or more NEW interpretations

  • What WILL serve you to believe?

5.) Decide —  If you’re serious about working through your fear, it is only by taking full responsibility for our actions and reaction and being committed to the process that will allow you to move through to the other side. If you’re constantly blaming others and pointing fingers at others – you are not taking responsibility.

To keep this easy, remember AABCD! Come back to the basics and get used to practicing this. It won’t be natural, especially if this is new. It’s HABIT to be in fear and let your brain take over – so learning to work with the fear will be like breaking an ugly habit. It gets easier the more and more you practice.

The key element before starting is simply COMMITMENT. If you are not committed to the process and willing to stick it out, through the good, the bad and the ugly, fear wins again.

When you want something, though, you don’t give up until you get it. That’s what practice is! Being OK with the fact that it’s not going to be perfect the first time we try anything. But when we see and feel what we really want, we won’t give up! This isn’t childhood sports anymore, now we are practicing for LIFE. Getting better at LIFE and letting ourselves LIVE it.

If we continue protecting ourselves, we protect ourselves from the good stuff too.

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Letting go of being ATTACHED and imprisoned to our fearful thoughts will give us the opportunity to experience all that is AMAZING in this world.

The only way to it, is through it.